Should i play harder to get

But humans have a thing about winning. So even though someone may not like you that much, they may want to still prove they can have you, because they've been chasing you for so long. In these cases, by playing hard to get, you could be fuelling someone's desire to win. As soon as they "get" you, they'll soon realise they didn't like you that much to begin with, and you're back where you started. Hatfield, the American psychologist who conducted the s dating experiments, looked into what a better method of attracting someone could be, for those of us who can't get the balance right with showing interest.

In a final experiment , researchers told men they had matched with five women's profiles, all fake for the purpose of the experiment, who had attended a session where they had filled out forms about what they thought of the men they'd matched with. The men were shown the fake women's answers. One woman gave all her matches low ratings, one rated them all highly, and a third was selective, rating all the other men poorly except the test subject who was given a very good score.

The men then had to rate the women in return, and the consensus was the woman who rated them highly but everyone else poorly was the most desirable. So it looks like the answer is to be selective, but not excessively. You're not dismissing every option that comes your way, but you're not giving everyone a chance either. By doing this, you make whoever you do go for feel special, because you obviously have standards. But that doesn't mean being so distant that it gets mistaken for the cold-shoulder.

On the other hand, if you find someone being unresponsive, Ettin said you shouldn't assume they are playing it cool with you.

Instead, you should take it for what it is — a lack of proper communication, or simple rudeness. Don't bother chasing them, because if they really liked you in the first place, they'll stop with the games and come back to you. For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. Click here to learn more. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation.

Good Subscriber Account active since Shortcuts. Yet, making the chase harder also has its upsides. Which one then is the better strategy for finding a partner? A team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty. In a new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , they show that making the chase harder increased a potential mate's desirability.

While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works -- which this study sought to clear up. Of course, some are reluctant to employ this strategy, worrying that it'll backfire and drive prospective partners away out of fear of being rejected. Indeed, in previous research the duo had shown that those who feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest will put more effort into seeing that person again, while rating the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date's romantic intentions.

However, in their latest undertaking the team tested tactics across three interrelated studies, which gave the impression that potential partners were hard to get, signaling their "mate value" by being, for example, selective in their partner choices. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite-sex, but who was in reality an insider -- a member of the research team.

Next, participants rated the extent to which they felt the insider was hard to get, their perceptions of the insider's mate value e. In study 1 , participants interacted with study insiders whose online profile indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract. The researchers discovered that participants who interacted with the more selective profile perceived the insider as more valued and therefore more desirable as a partner, compared to participants who interacted with less selective insiders who seemed easier to attract.

In study 2 , the researchers looked at the efforts invested in pursuing a potential partner and whether such efforts would inspire heightened sexual interest. Here participants were led to exert or not real efforts to attract the insider during face-to-face interactions.

During the experiment, participants engaged in a conversation with another participant who was in reality a study insider. The experimenter instructed participants and insiders to discuss their preferences in various life situations and presented a list of 10 questions e. The insider expressed a different preference from the participants to seven out of the 10 questions.

Participants in the hard-to-get group were told to try and resolve their disagreements. Using a fixed script, the insiders gradually allowed themselves "to be convinced" by the participants and eventually expressed agreement with the participant's position.

That way, the researchers tried to make participants feel that they had invested efforts and that their efforts were eventually successful. Here, 16 guys explain what they're really thinking when a woman they date plays "hard to get". Because it let me know right away that she was not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Huge time saver. Otherwise, I am not in for some BS game. If she is actively making it more difficult to date her then I'll find someone else.

If you act uninterested, I move on , not try harder. Unless your intention is to attract some desperate guy, I don't see how it's a good strategy.

If I'm already interested then you don't need to inflate your value by 'trying not to look too easy'. You're not a sticker price on a used car, you're a person. You don't have to use sales tricks for me to value you. The girl I'm seeing now, I started seeing exclusively because she was easy to get, and enthusiastic.